dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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