once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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