and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
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I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
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Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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