I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
