My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
