WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
