my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
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