it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
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