Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
