I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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