I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
