Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
