I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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