I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
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