I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
you had me at cake vodka
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
