I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
My balls are so social today.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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