oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
