hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Semen is not good for contacts.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
