Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
sex in a hospital.. check
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
