Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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