I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
