fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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