twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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