fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
