big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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