im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
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