I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Randomize