I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
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No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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