I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I cannot find my penis.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I'm just crazy horny about you
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
