uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Randomize
