This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
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