I met the friendliest cop last night
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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