I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
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She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
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