i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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