i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
