She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
