I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
