Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Randomize
