Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
