I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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