i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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