Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
When did we convert life to cartoon?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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