never play flip cup with pint glasses
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
