please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
