I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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