dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
