Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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