i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
He kissed a someone with a penis
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
