I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
