I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
