he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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