whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
