So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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