those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
