1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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