My friends, they love my intelligence
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
The beer is more important than you right now.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
