Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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