Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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