I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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