Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
