So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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