i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
