Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
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he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
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The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.