I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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