Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning http://tfl.nu/3svo
  Replies (10) Good night (5419) Bad night (655)
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock http://tfl.nu/0euc
  Replies (26) Good night (1438) Bad night (4320)
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20 http://tfl.nu/xo20
  Replies (72) Good night (5529) Bad night (836)
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (803): I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C. http://tfl.nu/06rr
  Replies (23) Good night (7058) Bad night (874)
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok. http://tfl.nu/j1n1
  Replies (7) Good night (5211) Bad night (834)
• Favorite

  (334): View more from Alabama

  just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (334): just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day http://tfl.nu/5gym
  Replies (11) Good night (951) Bad night (3100)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly. http://tfl.nu/n1s3
  Replies (13) Good night (5735) Bad night (1091)
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave http://tfl.nu/wc16
  Replies (6) Good night (3231) Bad night (791)
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better http://tfl.nu/7u74
  Replies (3) Good night (2504) Bad night (1259)
• Favorite

  (253): View more from Washington

  He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (253): He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation". http://tfl.nu/2gnt
  Replies (12) Good night (864) Bad night (2993)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs http://tfl.nu/e5lz
  Replies (8) Good night (1987) Bad night (1069)
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds. http://tfl.nu/9tr4
  Replies (11) Good night (2331) Bad night (609)
• Favorite

  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (306): He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating. http://tfl.nu/hhgj
  Replies (4) Good night (859) Bad night (255)
• Favorite

  (316): View more from Kansas

  Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (316): Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try. http://tfl.nu/jxdr
  Replies (2) Good night (858) Bad night (490)
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?! http://tfl.nu/c1nz
  Replies (7) Good night (517) Bad night (262)

Randomize