why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".