he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
