HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
