I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
