im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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