I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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