I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
that is very illegal...i love you.
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