I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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