he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize