this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
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He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
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The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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