omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
