i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
