your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
