college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
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